It's 11:06 on a Monday night, and I am pretty exhausted, so forgive me.
All of a sudden it feels like there are so many things that I have to remember, and they all just tsunami in on me...
To boot, being an artist, or at least trying to be one is not by any means easy. A massive glacier of potential decisions and deadlines threatens to plow over me...slowly, painfully. Missteps on or around glaciers of any kind, however metaphorical, are also potentially lethal.
I feel pulled in a million directions right now...to places and people I love...Every relationship I have all of a sudden feels brittle, fragile, finite.
Like, I really feel like if I don't keep the people I love very close to me (in proximity) that they will be gone or forget how much we love each other, or that kind of thing. I'm increasingly obsessed with collecting artifacts of my ongoing relationships, everything from voicemail messages to kitchen notes written on the backs of receipts.
And. The potential trajectory of my life all of as sudden feels quite stunted. Like any decision that I make might, like, change or be everything.
I don't know what to do, or who to be, or what to make or where to go or why any of it matters anyway.
With that, le bed.
Ganges 6 *
1 week ago