So far today I have
Regretted the fact that I'm a girl.
Finished cleaning and re-shelving my collection of 18 used coffee mugs which I'd arranged in my room in a beautiful, multi-colori semi-circle.
Listened to Christmas songs on the radio, sang to John & Yoko as poorly as I could, danced to jingle bell rock.
Listened to a radio show about Soviet Socialist Realism, remembering that I'd once intended to be the authority on Socialist Realist art, with noble plans for a dissertation and a life's work focusing on Aleksandr Deineka.
Pinned my hair using three bobby pins.
Felt really proud for having such nice hair today.
Called my dad to tell him that my car man was ripping us off, after some late-night peripheral research. Was thrilled when he told me that I did good work.
Felt annoyed at being thrilled, still felt proud.
Took an iron supplement and two ibuprofen.
Told my roomate that there would be scones of the blueberry variety, as he made faces at me while brushing his teeth.
Got some more coffee cups out of my room.
Turned on my computer.
Talked to my roomie about my method of not losing eyeglasses (buy new eyeglasses and put them in all of the places where I might need eyeglasses and not have them - purse, computer, bedside)
Did not turn off the radio when Wait, wait! Don't tell me! came on
Butchered some blueberry scones because I'm out of the habit of making them.
Ate two butchered scones.
Set out cans of pumpkin and sweetened condensed milk, brushed the flour on the counter on to the floor which I cleaned yesterday.
Learned some new words.
Turned off the radio which was talking about protests in Egypt and at UC Davis because it made me cry.
Reheated a second cup of coffee, added honey and more cream.
Debated whether I should put my slippers back on.
Checked my email.
Checked my facebook.
Debated whether I should post a picture of pizza and write, "Ceci n'est pas un vegetable, folks," but decided against it when there were no good pictures of pizza and the url's were too long.
Checked out this girl I made out with once on the Facebook, realizing that I would be happy to be a lesbian if it didn't mean that I had to be in a relationship with a girl. Also wondered to myself why so many girls in Pittsburgh like knitting and cats.
Decided that I had no desire to participate this morning, and wondered if what I was feeling was loneliness, despite the fact that I don't feel unpleasant or that I need anything at all, aside from my coffee and cream. And then wondered whether if I wasn't lonely, whether or not I'd grow to be so, and if I am lonely, whether it would eventually become unpleasant and whether I was capable of growing to be bitter in my diagnosed or undiagnosed loneliness as I suspect people do. I have two grandmothers who have lived alone for a quarter century, have only had sex with one other human being ever, and both of them seem to be very well-occupied and generally healthy in the head.
I don't think I'm lonely. I'm certainly never bored. The world is such a mess. I'll have to get cranberries and do more scones soon. My coffee is lukewarm.
LA/San Diego 2017
3 weeks ago