Sunday, July 18, 2010

Manifestation Contre Réforme de la Retraite - Juin 2010 - Métro, Boulot, Tombeau

People work too much and for too long in offices. I'm going on vacation at the end of the week, and even as a part-timer, I TOTALLY sympathize with this girl. For non-frenchies, there's a phrase in French that goes "Metro, Boulot, Dodo" (meaning "metro, work, sleep") but obviously this girl has taken it to the next step with the rhyme scheme "metro, work, tomb."

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Fourteen Ways of Looking at a Void

So, it's been a while since I've talked much about my love life, but on the almost-first anniversary of my first broken heart I thought my faithful blog readers might be deserving of a little follow up.

I've been reading more and more lately, including a great deal of "destination" literature. Somewhat recently, upon the recommendation of a friend, I picked up an essay called "Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Void," which gives the perspectives of thirteen different people that the author encounters while crossing the bleakest part of the Sahara Desert, otherwise known as the Void. What does the Void mean to you?

Hm, well, for those of you who can't make the connection between tons of reading, the Sahara desert & my love life, let me lay it out there for you: it's been a hell of a dry season!

I can't say I'm sorry that this is the case. If there's one thing being in a romantic relationship for 3.5 years taught me, it's that relationships take a lot of work. And I'm ok being on hiatus.

That said, I nearly fainted when on a semi-inadvertent date a couple weeks ago, el bachelor touched my elbow.

Most times, however, I'm happy to go out where I want to when I want to and not have to give much thought to the interests, attitudes, or feelings of a significant other. This has not universally been the case, and for this, I give you the Fourteenth Way of Looking at a Void, in the following blog entry.

The Fourteenth Way of Looking at a Void, or RELEVANT Inventory of L's Lovelife Over the Past Year Described Objectively in List Format For Your Benefit:

Official Dates: 3
Inadvertent Dates: 1
Cumulative Encounters of a Third Kind*: 2.2
Un-romantic Encounters That Left Me Wistful and Contemplative: 2
Total Encounters That Brought Joy and Did Not Send Me Running: 2.8
Eligible Bachelors: 3
Eligible Bachelorettes: 1.3
Ineligible Bachelors: 2
Unfortunate Accidental Encounters of Fourth Kind with Gay Male Friend, who was not included in the Ineligible Bachelors Section, for Your Information: 1

Relevant Profiles of Bachelor(ette)s:

Eligible Bachelor # 1:
Codename: Chainsaw Man
Occupation: Architect/Sculptor
Age: 33
Provenance: Mid-west, probably Missouri
Beard: Yes
Presumed Sexuality: Straight
Type: Boring
Height: 5" above eye level
Official Date: Yes
Total Number of Dates (Official and Non): 2
Location(s): Quiet Bar / Regent Square Apartment
Met: At a hipster bar
Digits given: Yes
Days until digits were utilized: 1.5
Initial Conversations: Promising, centered primarily around architecture
Later Conversation: Non-existant, despite best attempts
Average Subject of Conversation on First Official Date: Nazi Zombie video games, followed closely behind by marriage and children
Hours played watching said Chainsaw Man and nameless male accomplice in furniture-less dark room play Nazi Zombie killing video game on second date: 4
Calls exchanged after said horrific experience: 0
Gods thanked: 1

Eligible Bachelor #2:
Codename: N.A.
Official Date: Not quite
Location: Concert, Bar
Presumed Sexuality: STRAIGHT
Type: Smooth Operator
Occupation: Engineer
Beard: No
Encounter of a Third Kind: .4
Elbows Touched: 1
Height above eye level: -5"
Alcohol consumed on semi-date: Too much

Eligible Bachelorette #1:
Codename: N.A.
Occupation: Unspecified
Official Date: No
Encounter of a Third Kind: .8
Location: Squirrel Hill Apartment
Height above eye level: 2"
Beard: No
Presumed Sexuality: Bi
Type: Coquette
Compliments: Yes, 1
Subject of compliments: Ears
Line: "You have nice ears"
Threesomes proposed: 1
Threesomes indulged: 0
Primary Reasoning for Lack of Indulgence of Said Threesome: Too late, too hot outside.
Awkward near-encounters after: 1

Ineligible Bachelor #1:
Encounter of a Third Kind: 1
Location: Random hotel, FRANCE
Presumed Sexuality: Gay
Age: I'd say 32, though it's unspecified.
Occupation: Comic Book Artist
Type: Party Boy
Height Above Eye Level: 7"
Beard: No
Hair: Yes
Practiced Way of Placing Said Hair out of Face with Affected Delicacy That Led One To Believe He Was Gay Even Though It Turned Out He Had a Belgian Girlfriend: Yes
Nuff Said: I'll say!

Ineligible Bachelor #2:
Codename: Swiss Cheese
Age: 35, Unspec.
Type: Sensitive, Knowing
Presumed Availability: Single
Engaged: Yes
Hours of Professions of Love: 6
Gross: Totally

Person Who Left Me Wistful and Contemplative #1:
Codename: Undesignated
Type: Perceptive, introspective
Presumed Availability: Not
Occupation: Artist
Serendipitous Personal Encounters: 6-8
Emails Exchanged Since: 6-8

Eligible Bachelor #2:
Code Name: casbahboyfriend
Presumed Sexuality: Straight
Presumed Availability: Not
Beard: No
Acceptable 5:00 Shadow: Yes!
Height Above Eye Level: 6"
Met: At Art Opening
Occupation: Artist/Sculptor
Digits Given: By way of self-printed old-fashioned calling card
Digits Used: 0
Email/Facebooks Used: Yes, both.
Serendipitous Physical Encounters in Between Digital Ones: 3
Whole-hearted Giddy Joy At Reception of Official Date Text Message Despite the Tired Format: Yes
Official Dates: 1
Location: Bar
Persons Offended by L on Official Date: 1
Great Episodes of Tear-Inducing Laughter At the Expense of Datee When Datee Was Trying to Be Serious About a Totally Absurd Subject After a Long Night of Dull Conversation: 3.7
Long Walk Home Alone (Again): Yes
Worth It: YES

Hehehehehe...well here's all the relevant information--any additional questions or clarifying statements can be directed to the author of this blog on the comments page.

* Includes, but is not limited to Almost Threesomes, Dance Moments, Knowing Glances, Professions of Love, and Elbow Touches.